Tina the pornstar: my thanksgiving turkey

So after an easy flight from New York to Los Angeles, I landed back in the comforts of Calabasas under the pretexts that my flight was paid for because I was to help cook for Thanksgiving. After going to Whole Foods with my mother and purchasing the organic Turkey we would have for Thanksgiving dinner, we brought her back to the house to put her in her brine. And this is where our Turkey´s life began to unravel....

Tina, the turkey, came to us after a long life of strife. Yes, she had a horrible childhood filled with neglect and abuse by her family in the streets of the Valley. She eventually was rescued by a rooster, Porky. He told Tina that he loved her and would save her from her harsh life. But he ended up introducing her into the porn industry in the Valley of Los Angeles so they could make some good money. In the beginning, life seemed to be getting better for Tina, she had money and she did not mind her job so much. Porky got involved with the porn industry as well, but grew tired of the over-dramatized and exhausting world of porn. So he turned to pimping. He began to pimp out Tina. Porky became a terrible drinker and ended up beating Tina as well. Eventually Porky beat Tina so badly that she left him and ended up killed by the organic Whole Foods Company. And that is where me and my mother met Tina. Her life as a pornographer was over and her life led by Porky had also come to a close, so no one felt any remorse eating her delicious meat for our Thanksgiving dinner. Although, I will add that on the morning of Thanksgiving, when Tina saw her old friend Tom as the main event for the Thanksgiving Parade in New York City, she felt somewhat left behind. But after a whole day in the oven and a lot of love and affection from the Kagel family, she was completely restored. And damn, after a terrible history, you´d think she would taste bad. Yet, in fact, she was juicy and tender in all the perfect ways. So thanks Tina.

Other than the meal for Thanksgiving, two very important events took place that night. The first being that my father, who every year plays bartender with some special drink, made Apple Martinis. And while initially, this does not seem like a large event because any time my family gets together for an occasion, it usually means we are all going to drink heavily...but this year seemed worse than any other. I, of course, being the only one who does not drink Vodka, there were ten of us total, was the only one sober enough to witness the Apple Martini disaster, other than my cousin Mark who only had one. Okay, and no I was not totally sober, but in comparison I was... By the time, the main part of the dinner was served, everyone was so liquored up that no one remembered how good the food was until they were reminded by the leftovers the next day. We also embarassingly, went around in a circle and said what we were thankful for which seems useless now. No one remembers what they said. And after the dinner, everyone said that the Martinis were a bad idea and nest year we should all stick to Scotch... They say that every year and somehow, I am the only one who can stick to it... But I´m hoping by documenting the affair, it will be stained in everyone´s mind.

The second event, which to me is quite amazing is that my name was changed from Jenna to Satan. (my sister uses the French pronunciation - Satan - long A´s) My father who for six years, I called endearingly Pops or Papa, told me in the midst of cooking Thanksgiving dinner, that he has hated that name for all these years and felt it was demeaning. So he proclaimed that he should be called by the name that he wants and that he wanted to be called ¨Dad.¨ ¨No problem,¨I said calmly, ¨but while we're at it, I would also like to be called by a name of my choosing. And I want to be called Satan.¨ So now my family calls me by my correct name. It is quite lovely, I think. Satan. I should have thought of this when I was 16, it would have tortured my parents more then.....